Weather it’s equine ejaculators, or salmon-flesh fan-decks, I’m fascinated by items created for incredibly specific jobs. Here in LA, the unique demands of the movie industry have given rise to products no average person would ever need.

For most consumers, getting clean is the goal, but Shmere’s collection of products lets you “get dirty the clean way.� Used mainly by the wardrobe dept., these wax based, deodorant-shaped sticks come in stain colors such as: “Grass Stain,� and “Sweat.� The entire set of aging crayons costs $135 but you can buy a single stick of Schmtzstik, another wardrobe distressing product, for about $8.

Aren’t grocery bags noisy? Many a sound editor seems to think so. Lucky for them, an inventive propmaker, Tim Schultz, has gone into business fabricating “silent bags.� Although they look just like your average grocery bag, they’re made from a secret material that feels like waxy fabric. These $26(!) bags quickly recover their cost by eliminating the work of needing to edit out the dialogue-obscuring crackling a real bag would make. I just like the idea of shopping with them and knowing I’m the only one whose bags are “silent bags,� as if everyone else is being terribly gauche with their “noisy bags.� Also, I love saying “silent bags.�

Expendable Props as Gifts

This past Christmas I gave friends and family the book Prisoner’s Inventions and wrapped it in police evidence bags from the ISS Prophouse. Filling out the “chain of custody� form is a fun alternative to the traditional “To: and From:� gift labels.

I also gave my brothers breakaway glass beer bottles with the idea they could stage a bar fight. It won’t be a cheap show though; a single bottle-smash-over-the-head costs $16. Often called “candy glass,� a reference to the previous fabrication method using sugar, modern breakaway glass is made from a fragile resin. But I’ll warn you – the broken edges cut like the real thing, so be careful when holding the jagged stem to someone’s neck.

Should you need to defend yourself in a fake bar fight, arm yourself with fake mace that sprays only water. (But if your attacker is an A-list celeb, they may request to be sprayed with aerosol Evian instead.)

Finally, if your fake barroom brawl leaves you with a fake bump on the head from the makeup department, the script may dictate you take two fake painkillers and apply a cold compress using fake ice.

A while back I posted about the rainbow dyed roses seen at the LA County Fair and my subsequent hunt for and purchase of said roses. Well the Dutch growers who created them, Happy Colors, have a site displaying their experimentation with all manner of multi-color flower dying.

Fashion designer Jeremy Scott’s spring ’07 collection “Right to Bear Arms,” included models wearing mouse-eared helmets and some Care Bear art. Cute – was probably some comment about the war. And then there’s the pics of Jeremy wearing a tee with Mickey sporting wood, and another of him beside a similarly tumescent sculpture. I emailed a rep asking if the shirts are available anywhere but no response yet. None of this is terribly interesting to me, I’m only posting it because I’ve inadvertently begun chronicling subversive uses of Disney iconography, so, here you go. The third pic came from yoox.com.

I have a piece about Playboy in the gay SoCal rag, Frontiers. (Sadly, the bits about Hef’s bisexual experimentation and my suggestion for a jack-off party were cut.)

And the graphic design mag, HOW, said some very nice things about my “really, really adult-themed book,” Obscene Interiors.

Muslims aren’t supposed to eat pork, but apparently viewing pork in cartoon form is also forbidden in the Middle East. I assume this means Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham is out too. Charlotte’s Web? Babe? From QatarLiving.com.

Yes the Leibovitz pics are nice, but here’s a couple other photog’s takes on the parks. Diane Arbus and her 1962 “A Castle in Disneyland,� and David LaChapelle does Florida and Disneyland Paris. Anyone know of other examples?