People love to touch real bow ties.

And they attract drunk models.

But they cannot charm certain art-porn filmmakers.

The walls in this first image don’t clash with the upholstery as much as CRASH with the upholstery. When dealing with greens of any signifigant intensity it’s important to do a paint test. As I’ve learned, sometimes the paint comes out a bit more acid-fluorescent than the more mellow paint chip.

This last room has it working though. The window trim is a great buttery color and the bamboo blinds and red couch are all helping each other nicely. The room above it looks like it was inspired but a bowl of cheap guacamole topped with sour cream.

[If u didn’t know: Obscene Interiors is my collection of real online male personal ad photos. I gray out the men to allow an undistracted view of the setting, so we may better study how men really decorate.

Obscene Interiors: Hardcore Amateur Decor is also a fun little gift book you can order direct from me - and I’ll sign it, or get it from Amazon.com or any cool bookstore.]

But first I stopped in San Francisco to recover and I was bombarded with green guilt at every turn.

this paint job actually worked for me.

Excellent succulent wreath at Paxton Gate.

Then i landed in BUR and a friend needed an emergency rescue from WeHo, which I provided, then we went to Diamond Dogs at Hwood (notice the bondage bling canine at the bar)

and I didn’t get home ’til the sun was coming up (again). The LA Times was there and looky here, they shot one of me (in the red) dancing behind Santino and Tony Ward – who btw, gave me a stick of cinnamon gum so intense i actually got chemical burns on my tounge. What is it with America’s obsession with INTENSE EXTREME IN YOUR FACE FLAVOR!? Christ just give me a stick of zebra stripe that looses it’s flavor after 5 chews.

I had a lesbian friend at Disney that would always come over and bend my pinkie finger down. I can’t help it, it just likes to be up. It makes everything fancier.

All the cool Nordic people were in red plaid.

I never considered myself a party animal but I’m now sick as a dog and i sound like a broken down tar-throated tranny.

Wild dogs look deep into their diorama at the Natural History Museum. The dioramas of “native peoples” didn’t use taxidermy – big letdown.

The Hayden Planetarium is not named for Hayden Panettiere but I pretend it is. The show inside the top part “Cosmic Collisions” was not worth $25. Mya Angelou introduces u to the big bang in the bottom part for free (a fair price).

5000 Crystals hang overhead at Greenhouse. When I walked in THIS was playing on their GREAT soundsystem. The basement club was covered in fake leaves and felt like a scene from Tokyo Disneyland’s Winnie the Pooh ride. A Dutch tourist delivered the best quote of the trip, “You know the designers Viktor and Rolf? Alot of people here dress like them.” So nailed it.

Saw Jesus in the subway working a hot look.

In the financial district there’s a memorial to the Irish potato famine for some reason. Highly reccomended.

A Virgin Airlines bathroom photoshoot break on the flight to SF. Notice deep bags under the eyes. U did this NYC!

Richard Woods at Perry Rubenstein is very Todd Oldham.

Yayoi Kusama’s big pumpkins at Gagosian. Her infinity reflection candle chamber was in the back but NO PHOTOS PLEASE.

Mary Boone’s ceiling was most impressive.

Comme des Garcons’ runway portal to the high-priced fashion dimension.

The lawyers that used to occupy what is now Todd Oldham’s studio are still on the door.