This Sunday, celebrate my birthday in sasquatch style at the Bigfoot Lodge starting at 8 p.m..
Join the gang anytime after 8, I’ll be there ’till at least midnight - It’s all very casual - come introduce yourself!
Try the famous flaming “Toasted Marshmallow” - it’s a bonfire, dessert, and drink all in one!
The lodge doesn’t have food, but I’ll make sure we have some lovely nibbles. Hope to see you!

The Bigfoot Lodge a block east of the 5 (the Glendale side), on south side of Los Feliz Blvd.

If you insist on gift giving and need ideas, here’s my Amazon wish list.
But really, your crooked, inebriated smile is all I need for a good birthday.

It’s fiberglass, and around $4,500. I found it at T. L. Gurley Antiques in Pasadena. I have no idea what films it appeared in.

Living across the street from a major motion picture studio like I do, means you frequently get little notes in your mailbox explaining why tonight you might hear “simulated gunfire,” a “simulated helicopter crash,” or see smoke from a “simulated fire.” Rarely do these notes elaborate on what will burn or who’s getting shot. Which brings me to “Cloverfield” a.k.a. The Super Secret Untitled J.J. Abrams Project, the (totally awesome) teaser for which ran before Transformers and has resulted in much speculation about what’ll be attacking New York on 1-18-08 and how it will play out. Well, last week I got this note in my mailbox:

“…on Thursday July 12 and Friday, July 13 Paramount Pictures will be filming night scenes for their feature film, “Cloverfield,” on the Hennessy Street set on the Main Lot. The filming will simulate an army firefight – including gunfire (blanks) and explosions (powder flash). Any sound-related effects will be completed before 10:00 p.m.”

So there you go. “Cloverfield” will feature an “army firefight.” But those usually ensue after monsters attack New York. Sadly I was in Fargo so I have no report of how how it went down or if the locals heard the mysterious roar.

The places you find walking by the LA river.

It’s the same hill that burned a month ago, this time it’s the eastern side. Maybe by the end of summer the middle part with the Hollywood sign will go too. No smoke here in Burbank - but sucks to be in Glendale. Local humidity 7%.

The Fight Club author just started touring to promote his new novel, Rant, but he’s also promoting books he didn’t write–like, mine. In San Francisco earlier this week, he described Obscene Interiors as, “the funniest, dirtiest, book I have seen in years,” then gave out coppies durring the Q&A. (He’s also giving away Monica Drake’s debut novel, Clown Girl, which I haven’t yet read.) I never thought my book was that dirty, I mean, it’s not like I wrote about guys getting their intestines sucked out through their anus while masturbating in a hot tub.

Join me Monday, May 9th at Vroman’s Bookstore, 695 E. Colorado Blvd. Pasadena CA 91101 for his only planned LA appearance. There’s bonus prizes if you come wearing a a wedding dress (males and females), it’s related to the novel somehow. His other book tour dates are here.

See me at Slideshow, a monthly production with performers telling their stories, both fiction and non-, with slides, of course.

I’ll be telling a disturbing tale from my teen years in Fargo, featuring sex, theft, voyeurism, and moonlit gardening.

Pay $10 at the door but make a reservation to guarantee a seat - Call: (323) 692-3086.

Show is Sat May 19 at 8pm. The Fake Gallery is at 4319 Melrose in LA, 90029, near Vermont by Scoops and the Faultline, but we’ll have the free beer and wine.

I saw this today at Blackman Cruz, a favorite haunt here in LA. It’s a 1930’s dental model priced (and sold) at $2400. Although the dentist displaying it perhaps named it “Grinnin’ Jim” or an equally innocuous title, I imagine it still terrified depression-era children into never eating sweets, or sleeping, again.

Previously: Bones, Skulls, and Skeletons

But they aren’t. It’s huge dust clouds sweeping up from the now-charred hill. It’s super windy today in Burbank and just as I was uploading this picture, a huge ficus cracked and toppled, nearly missing the patio of the seafood restaurant behind me. …Now the sirens start.

My friend GJ has a one-hit-wonder step-dad, Frank, who he started filming a couple years ago because Frank uses coffee cans for a toilet and is generally a drunk. GJ’s Mother, Cindy, likes pills, functions as the thorn in Frank’s side, and wishes he’d record another hit. The resulting documentary, Frank and Cindy, is a hoot. (But I may be biased because I designed the poster.)

Watch This American Life on Showtime this Thursday and see GJ explain what happened after filming began. Visit FrankAndCindy.com for a preview and info about upcoming film festival screenings.

Here’s a pic from my place by the Warner Bros. backlot moments ago. I had to shut my windows. There’s smoke everywhere which is not helping my cold. For those un-locals, the Hollywood sign is on the other side of this hill. More pics here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/vidalia/440090181/

And here’s one I took at 8PM just now from my roof. You can see it’s still smoldering. I used to have a nice green hillside at the end of my street, now it looks like Mordor with the helicopters providing a War of the Worlds touch.

Weather it’s equine ejaculators, or salmon-flesh fan-decks, I’m fascinated by items created for incredibly specific jobs. Here in LA, the unique demands of the movie industry have given rise to products no average person would ever need.

For most consumers, getting clean is the goal, but Shmere’s collection of products lets you “get dirty the clean way.�? Used mainly by the wardrobe dept., these wax based, deodorant-shaped sticks come in stain colors such as: “Grass Stain,�? and “Sweat.�? The entire set of aging crayons costs $135 but you can buy a single stick of Schmtzstik, another wardrobe distressing product, for about $8.

Aren’t grocery bags noisy? Many a sound editor seems to think so. Lucky for them, an inventive propmaker, Tim Schultz, has gone into business fabricating “silent bags.�? Although they look just like your average grocery bag, they’re made from a secret material that feels like waxy fabric. These $26(!) bags quickly recover their cost by eliminating the work of needing to edit out the dialogue-obscuring crackling a real bag would make. I just like the idea of shopping with them and knowing I’m the only one whose bags are “silent bags,�? as if everyone else is being terribly gauche with their “noisy bags.�? Also, I love saying “silent bags.�?

Expendable Props as Gifts

This past Christmas I gave friends and family the book Prisoner’s Inventions and wrapped it in police evidence bags from the ISS Prophouse. Filling out the “chain of custody�? form is a fun alternative to the traditional “To: and From:�? gift labels.

I also gave my brothers breakaway glass beer bottles with the idea they could stage a bar fight. It won’t be a cheap show though; a single bottle-smash-over-the-head costs $16. Often called “candy glass,�? a reference to the previous fabrication method using sugar, modern breakaway glass is made from a fragile resin. But I’ll warn you – the broken edges cut like the real thing, so be careful when holding the jagged stem to someone’s neck.

Should you need to defend yourself in a fake bar fight, arm yourself with fake mace that sprays only water. (But if your attacker is an A-list celeb, they may request to be sprayed with aerosol Evian instead.)

Finally, if your fake barroom brawl leaves you with a fake bump on the head from the makeup department, the script may dictate you take two fake painkillers and apply a cold compress using fake ice.