Archive for the 'Myself' Category

OMG Joe Vs The Volcano On YouTube

Wednesday, March 24th, 2010

If I made a movie it would be this one. It’s possibly my favorite film ever. U can see the whole thing starting here – or see the segment below that has a multitude of moments I adore: a shopping spree, a makeover, a fancy dinner alone in a fancy hotel (SO ME!), drinking alone at a fancy bar (also so me) – and the LA part! The orange trees in the airport!, Meg Ryan as Angelica Graynamore, and THAT SIGN!, Angelica Graynamore and THAT ACCENT! The “LA” restaurant with the shards of light reflected on their faces! Her painting, the transition, her poem! I’ve imitated her accent so often in private – and it’s still a default i slip into when nervous.

Like so many films that totally bomb, it’s actually genius. (Hello Donnie Darko.) And it’s prolly gay to take a life message from a film but i sort of live by this film – especially the line about doing the thing you’re afraid of doing.

Every detail is flawless yet casual. Every set dressing so considered I see something new every time. The fakeness of studio sets is embraced, and a shot of a car pulling up to his apartment is obviously a model. The kitschy lamp in the beginning of the film contains every detail of the end of the film. Excellent music choices and score. And the use of rough storyboards with the end credits – in LOVE. I love when a work acknowledges that it’s a fabrication and doesn’t get hung up on being perfectly artificially polished. I guess the most amazing thing about the story is it’s an only positive film – there’s really no villains or violence – or sex. And it amazingly handles both entertaining artificiality and deep realness in the characters performances and delivery. I hope u love it as much as i do. John Patrick Shanley (the writer/director) thank you thank you!

The Walt Disney Family Museum Basement Floor

Saturday, February 20th, 2010

Story Time: Disney Legend Talked Balls, Bananas

Monday, February 8th, 2010

Ever since the first time I saw theater I wanted to design theater. Then I saw Disneyland and knew THAT was what I wanted to design. In Jr High we took one of those tests that tells you jobs you’d be good at if you weren’t sure. I was sure and checked the box for “other” and wrote in artist and Imagineer. How exactly this boy in Fargo, North Dakota would accomplish this, I wasn’t sure. But those cartoons said dreams can come true.

BoardwalkCarousel

Less then 10 years later I was working at my first job, and it was the only job I ever wanted. I was in the model shop at Imagineering restoring an antique miniature carousel to be the centerpiece of a new resort in Florida. (I would later go on to do concept and show design.) Overseeing this project was “Disney Legend” John Hench, a 90-some year old fond of wearing ascots – ascots! I knew very well who he was – because I was practically a Disney historian – and when he’d stop by my cubicle I’d try to get him talking about the old days. This wasn’t hard as I was working with a woman he liked to entertain.

The stories were all news to her, as she, like a surprising (to me) number of Imagineers, knew little about Disney history. I soon realized though, he’d edit himself in the company of women, and it wasn’t until we were alone that I got the good stuff. Like when he began to tell me why he thought the Disney parks had sustained such popularity. It had to do with humans having a subconscious or genetic memory of once having lived in a perfect world, perhaps the garden of Eden, and that’s we’re all trying to get back to. He began to lose me there. “It was free love and all the bananas you could eat,” He said, then elbowed me and added, “but I don’t know what the ladies thought about it.”

photo13-2

I began taking my breaks up in his office. This was amazing to me that I could. He was the most senior designer on staff, one of the few remaining to have worked with the founder of the Disney company – the man who basically invented animated films and theme parks as we know them – yet John was basically ignored by the senior management he shared the floor with. So I’d sit there in the corner eating my bagel while he leaned over his computer working in Photoshop. Photoshop. I didn’t even know Photoshop then. It was new to him too, “You poke this button and all these little ants start marching around.” And, as he was working on designing the exterior paint scheme for the first Disney Cruise ship, “It’s all in there, the whole ship, but you can only see part of it at a time, you just keep sliding it back and fourth and it’s floating out there in space.” Some days I’d eat my bagel silently as he worked, never knowing I was there.

I asked him about Mary Blair, famous for her design of the Small World attraction. He recalled going to a CalArts fundraiser event and seeing her with a water glass full of vodka, and moments later, with an empty glass and her propped against a wall heading towards the floor.

I asked him about Salvador Dali, whom he worked with on an animated short (“Destino“) in the 40′s. They became good friends and John actually helped him with several paintings. (There’s even a play inspired by their friendship, “Lobster Alice.”) John told me they’d wanted to make a “fanana.” An idea they had for a sculpture of a fan that turned into a peeled banana through a combination of 2 rotating platforms and a pepper’s ghost effect. I’ve often thought I should build it.

Some new Disney attractions struck John differently – and literally. As the high-speed GM Test Track was about to open at EPCOT John had taken a test ride. I was shocked someone his age would go on a thrill ride like that, but I was still getting to know him. “How was it?”

In his slow gravely voice, “After I got off, I told them they should put warning signs on that!…”

“Well I’m sure they are.”

“…Warning signs that say ‘Men wearing boxer shorts shouldn’t ride.’ They take you over these different surfaces, and this one was so bumpy, and those seats are so hard, my testicles were going WHAM WHAM WHAM!” Slapping his hand on the table to demonstrate.

Maybe the pain kept balls on his mind because some time after that he showed me designs for these huge fiberglass characters being sculpted for the new All Star Resorts. A 40′ tall dalmatian from 101 Dalmatians was to be placed sitting on the ground. John insisted the dog be perched on a cushion as he explained “some kid is going to get a couple balls or balloons up under there like testicles and take a picture.”

HenchDalmation

He did also teach me ways to use color i would have never considered – and I considered myself a good colorist. He explained how when the colonial styled building that houses the epic “American Adventure” show at EPCOT  kept growing in height to accommodate the ever growing theater behind it, he had to “keep your eyes on the ground” so you didn’t notice how huge the building was. His solution, using the fact that the eye is drawn to the point of highest contrast, was to use four different whites, each slightly more gray with each higher level, keeping the most brilliant white as the trim on the ground level. Looking at the building you’d never notice the white on the tower isn’t the same as the columns on the bottom.

AmericanAdventureColorboard

2541210857_6efbf248ac

There were other tricks too. If you think the facade for Disneyland’s Small World is all white, look close next time you’re there and you’ll see the sides of the shapes are painted light blue on the underside and light pink on the top – this warms and cools the reflected light bouncing off those shapes giving a subtle “life” to the facade a truly white facade would lack.

When I was born John was already 66. I can’t imagine being 65 and thinking there’s people not yet born that I’m going to be working with. The worst part of getting laid off from Imagineering was knowing he’d be gone before I’d ever get hired back. And sure enough a few years later, he died. But by chance I happened to stop at an estate sale in my neighborhood only to find it was John’s house. Almost everything was gone as it was late in the day but I did get a terrific 70′s colored metal artist’s cabinet from his studio for $40 that i still use. I also grabbed a roll of architectural drawings laying nearby and paid $10 – when i got home an unrolled it among other drawings was a nearly finished sketch for one of his Mickey portraits.

A few years before, when a friend decided to leave the Disney company she went to John to tell him the news, and expected him to be upset with her decision. Instead, “he took a deep breath and slowly wiped his hands down his face and said, ‘Do you know all the things I wanted to do?’ After elaborating and listing all the things not accomplished, he told her to go go go and not regret it.

There was definitely the sense that he’d stayed with the company (65 years!) out of respect to Walt and his vision – and, i think, also, to the guests that had come to expect quality from the Disney name.

And I think about all the Disney geeks and fanboys that make it their life goal to work for Imagineering – like I had – and here you had the most legendary of all Imagineers wishing he could’ve pursued his own ideas the whole time. Lesson learned. Point Taken. Etc. Etc.

tomorrowland 7

Welcome To My Glamorous Home

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

mess

Instead of dealing with my own obscene interior yesterday i made that blog post. In this pic can u find:

The paper mache head i got in Tokyo that I recently wore to a dance party in Chinatown.

2 chairs i bought for the club that we won’t end up using that i don’t know what to do with now.

luggage not unpacked since Christmas.

Ikea shelving meant for your garage.

An LA Weekly i can’t toss because it has a hot guy on the cover and I need to find out who he is. I’ve been meaning to do this for over a year.

The cardboard model of the gallery and disco ball prop from my PARTY MONSTER installation.

Every issue of Nest magazine, not in any order.

A Buddha machine.

Childrens toy birds that make noise during an earthquake.

Storyboards for a book project that will never get published.

Issues of McSweeney’s i’ll never get around to reading.

Several lampshades i thought i might use for the sex club but probably won’t but they were only $1 each so i had to.

Vintage Hallmark paper honeycomb centerpieces. (Not that i have a table to ever put them on.)

Souvenir metal miniatures of the World Trade Center I had a NY friend buy me on Sept 11 2001 because I knew every miniature made after that would say “Never Forget” or something.

A box of Obscene Interiors books. No it’s not that box. I don’t know what’s in that box. Oh I just looked, it’s confetti.

This Opera I’ve Been Designing

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

The Good Soldier Schweik for Long Beach Opera – It’s a comedy, in English, based on a Czech novel about the start of WWI. Only 2 performances, each in a different theater, the first one being far superior and almost sold out – Get Tix here if u want.

This is the tipsy bar – which i think is quite a sublime little piece. The mugs attach magnetically to metal hidden under the top allowing repositioning of the mugs – and re-balancing or un-balancing of the bar without the mugs falling.

Blog_GoodSoldierSchweik1

this bed is made from platforms and crates used in other scenes. The look is spoze to be very traveling troupe with a circus/military feel.

I got this green chair for $5. Making it into a wheelchair cost a bit more.

Blog_GoodSoldierSchweik2

These sketches were rough early concepts. The birdcage was found on craigslist and i added the extra who-ha at the top. I think adding chandelier crystals to those chairs and cage was a bit of genius but that’s me talking about myself. And let me tell u what a bitch it is to paint a birdcage.

I’m Designing An Opera

Saturday, December 12th, 2009

The Good Soldier Schweik for Long Beach Opera – It’s a comedy, in English, based on a Czech novel about the start of WWI – if any of that interests you. There is also a scene with 5 guys in a bed together getting enemas. Maybe i should have gone with that for the poster image. There’s only 2 performances, each in a different theater, the first one being far superior I think – Get Tix here if u want.

GSS_Promo_Image4_470p

I Sort Of Designed The Longest Slide In The World?

Monday, December 7th, 2009

A few years ago I was asked to design some concepts to fill this large atrium space in a mall in Jakarta called “FX”. None of my concepts were realized except for this slide, which was entirely inspired by the slides Carsten Holler did at the Tate in 2006 – something the client specifically requested – only flashier! Which is good because it bothers me when clients want me to do a rip-off of some artist’s work – I just tell them to hire that artist, then they’d get the bonus PR angle of having a “name” artist’s work in their space. But apparently clients assume “name” artists would be difficult to work with, unlike nameless wrists-for-hire like myself.

So here’s one of my renderings, and what what actually built – plus video of Asians flying out the end of it, skidding across the floor. I’m told “Atmosfear” is now the longest slide in the world (being the Tate ones were temporary), and that it’s wildly popular, and makes the mall a ton of money because you have to buy $10 worth of something to get a ticket to ride it.

FXSlide1

img_5245

Going Incognito For Full Frontal Disco In Chinatown

Monday, October 5th, 2009

3985763960_4542d27d6c_o.jpg

Asians don’t handle alcohol well.

3984998009_46000a70cf_o.jpg

Me And Some Other People At A Thing

Sunday, September 27th, 2009

Mr. Black is every Tues at Bardot. I show up at the 4:00 mark. Glamour.

Fishnet Is The New Black AND White

Wednesday, September 9th, 2009

3905333005_f9ea12bde0_o.jpg

In 5th Grade I Was Designing For ESPRIT

Monday, August 24th, 2009

 5thgradeespritdesignsweb.jpgNot that they were employing me. I just sent them (and a few other companies) my unsolicited design suggestions. I was 11 and living in Fargo but that didn’t mean I couldn’t collaborate with international fashion conglomerates after school. The above is a duplicate I painted at the time. I’d gone to Dayton’s department store (the only place in Fargo that carried ESPRIT) and asked for the corporate address and was very frustrated that the salesgirls weren’t taking my request seriously – didn’t they realize they’d be selling my designs next season? In the response from ESPRIT headquarters Stuart writes “We’ve forwarded them (my designs) to our design department for consideration.” This, like, MADE MY YEAR!  Ugh!, nothing came of it but just to be considered, CONSIDERED! – Someone was listening to me! (Stuart, if you’re out there, give me a call!) The other kids in class thought i was bonkers painting all this ESPRIT stuff, but i wasn’t playing, I was WORKING.

Trans Am And Sexy

Sunday, July 5th, 2009

So i bought a ’79 Firebird Trans Am on Monday. You may recall i mentioned wanting one back in September ’08. I almost got this hot ’85 here in LA but before i went to test drive it (which i knew would mean “buy it”) i checked the San Diego and Las Vegas Craigslists and found this white ’79 with the red and orange hood bird in Vegas. Another buyer on the way so i offered more than he was asking ($4150), transferred him a deposit, and booked a one-way to Vegas with my cashier’s check in hand. (And don’t give me that “yeah right, HE said there was another buyer coming” bullshit cuz u know what, the same thing happened last September and THERE WAS another buyer coming and I didn’t get that car.)

my79transam1.jpg

Now, i know buying a car without seeing it is not smart, but i’m trying to make more mistakes in life, so, although I’ve been looking for a 70′s Trans Am for a year, I’ve never actually been in one, much less driven one. I just trusted that something that pretty would accommodate me well. It did. (In the olden days people were tiny but their cars were BIG, very odd.) So i drove it down the Vegas strip (is there a more perfect street to display the height of tacky American masculinity?) and valeted it at the Wynn, had a cocktail of disappointing quality (considering this WAS the Wynn), took in that lady in the lake show that happens, and left after turning my $5 into $12 at the slots (I insist on pulling the arm, pressing the button is NOT acceptable). At midnight i left for LA – I had to drive at night because the car has no air and it was 107+ during the day and not much cooler at 1am.

This whole thing began a few years ago i was at the Cheesecake factory with friends and the one straight guy was talking about cars and we all said what car we really wanted (but few of us new the names) and I said I always wanted “the one with the bird on the hood, what is that? A Thunderbird?”

“No, a Firebird.”

“Yes, one of those.”

Why? Just one of those things. You’re 7 years old playing on the lawn and you see this thing going down the street and its all fins and swoops and feathers and feathered hair and feathers from the mirror and swoops and more feathers and it’s just way cooler than any other car because it has a GIANT  STICKER on it.

4822_97723602334_554127334_2176323_430873_n.jpg

So until that dinner in Beverly Hills I figured i’d never own one of these because cars cost like $30,000 or some crazy amount i could never spend on a car but the straight guy says i could probably find one that’s drivable for $5000, and this is when everything changed and i thought maybe dreams can come true. (It was suggested i just put a bird decal on my Honda hatchback – NOT AN ACCEPTABLE OPTION)

So i did some research and discovered it was the 74-78 Trans Ams that had the decals i liked the most. Yes, i did purchase a ’79 which had the more elaborate bird decal but that colorway on the white body was killer so it was all good.

And did u know that after the Firebirds with the decals came out Ford and other companies made knock-offs? I mean, not really, but sort of. Like this Ford King Cobra. You can see the thinking. “What sexy animal and WE put on a car hood? But snakes don’t have big wings like the firebird so we’ll er…ah…just make some swoopy shapes to fill up the hood sorta like the bird.”

1978-ford-mustang-king-cobra_176.jpg [Pic]

Yeah, i cannot support such unoriginality. I mean those Pontiac designers had to have some balls to suggest putting a giant phoenix sticker on the hood of an already visually impressive car. (Although the first decals didn’t fly with then GM VP Bill Mitchell who upon seeing a mock up said something to the effect of “get that god damned indian blanket off the hood.”) [source article]

What’s weird to me though is how when I told people i wanted a vintage Trams Am all I’d get was “Are u crazy you can never maintain those American cars won’t hold up  you’ll get horrible gas millage you can’t park it anywhere you’ll never get parts for it what are you going to do with you other car have two cars o you’re crazy use it as you’re daily car no way are you sure you can fit in it u don’t know what you’re doing you’ll regret it.”

To which i respond, “since when did anything hot and sexy EVER involve practicality?” Leather, smoking, vinyl, high heels, fast cars, piercings, spandex, tattoos, large boobs, tans, corsets, cage fights, (feel free to add to the list). Practicality does not feature in any of these sexy things, vintage muscle cars included. If i wanted to be practical i’d get a Honda FIT. BUT A HONDA FIT IS NOT SEXY.

And now that i have this car I get the kooky other end of thinking from people, “Dude you gotta park that thing in a garage for like 30 years don’t ever drive it keep it out of the sun blah blah blah.” Why on earth would i not drive the thing i want to drive? So it’ll be worth thousands more in a decade? And then what? Sell it? No. The point was I WANT TO DRIVE THIS HOT TRANS AM. NOW. Because I’m alive NOW.

So i’ve been driving it around for a few days and didn’t feel it was getting the attention it deserved so last night i took it to Jumbo’s Clown Room which is not a kind of bounce house you get for your kid’s party but a girls on poles kind of bounce house AND THEY GOT IT. I even pulled that “keep it in front” line with the valet – AND HE DID. So the bouncer and strippers on break out front were all “Oh man that car’s the shit sweet ride so hot dooood can you tip me that car  just drive it right up on stage.” And i love that it’s the single gay guy who brings the hot ride to the strip club.

And those girls have skilz. That smacking your heels together trick is hot. But it’s so wierd that you toss dollars on stage instead of slipping it in their garter – so gross to have to crawl around the stage to pick up your bills. Must be a NO TOUCHING rule or something. Anywho, i left with some straight people, one fellow, his wife, and two other ladies, and went back to their place and then he brings out his own stripper pole and puts it up in the living room. That’s how i know those girls have skills cause i couldn’t do anything on that pole. And then they made some Trader Joes mini quiches in the oven.