So last month the most romantic thing in the world happened to me. I’d gone to the World of Wonder Christmas Rollerskating party at the Moonlight Rollerway dressed in appropriate winter wonderland gear and was skating around by myself. Drag queens were in abundance. RuPaul was the DJ. And I saw this cutie leaning over the edge so I smacked him on the ass as I rolled by. A few revolutions later and this cutie skates by me and our eyes lock and he just grabs my hand without a word and then we’re skating and holding hands like it’s nothing at all and THAT’S CRAZY isn’t it? Did he know I was the ass smacker? (Later I learned, no.)

We form a train with other skaters, take turns swinging each other out on the turns. THEN RUPAUL PUTS ON XANADU, one of my most favorite songs EVER and the BEST song to skate to IN THE UNIVERSE! So the cutie and I who haven’t said a word between us other than “whoa!” and “wheee!” grab hands AND SKATE TOGETHER TO XANADU IN A CINEMATIC MOMENT OF EXQUISITE GAYNESS! We haven’t reached the first chorus and I’m thinking DREAMS DO COME TRUE when another skater zooms by the cutie causing him to release my hand as he falls forward. I fall backwards and land on my hand and elbow. (Later I’d be told I hadn’t learned how to fall. Metaphoric AND true.)

I get off the ice, I mean rollerskating rink, and the cutie rushes over and sits with me while I go into shock and nearly vomit. He gets me a bag of ice from somewhere and a couple pills. I tell him he doesn’t have to drug me to have his way with me. And I press the ice to my wrist which I’m holding on top of my head to keep the swelling down. I tell him I think he should kiss me and he does, and does, and undoes my shirt buttons, and people are giving us some extra room and I say ok you need to stop cause you’re causing swelling somewhere else now. I start shivering and I ask him if he could go get my hat and scarf that I tossed on a bench on the other side of the rink. He goes and gets them AND THEN PUTS THEM ON AND GOES BACK TO ROLLERSKATING, which was not how that was supposed to go.

The next morning x-rays showed my wrist was not broken but severely sprained. Over a month later my elbow still hurts enough I scheduled an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon. But I did get the guy’s name, Matt Alber. He’s a singer and here he is performing his mega romantic song “End of the World” in his MEGA ROMANTIC video that’s been misting eyes of grown gay men since it was released a few days ago.

Those Todd Oldham body pillows Target used to sell are great if you’re like me and sleep alone but like wrapping your arms something big, soft, and pretty. I bought two and keep the extra in the closet for when my current one wears out.

[If u didn’t know: Obscene Interiors is my collection of real online male personal ad photos. I gray out the men to allow an undistracted view of the setting, so we may better study how men really decorate.

Obscene Interiors: Hardcore Amateur Decor is also a fun little gift book you can order direct from me - and I’ll sign it, or get it from Amazon.com or any cool bookstore.]

If you’re stumped for wall decoration maps are a safe stand by. They give a smart vibe without being turn-off smart like displaying the periodic table. That is, if used correctly, as in framed. When a map is crookedly pinned to the wall it says, “I’m lost. And I need to be reminded where I am. Every day.”

If u didn’t know: Obscene Interiors is my collection of real online male personal ad photos. I gray out the men to allow an undistracted view of the setting so we may better study the candid reality of modern home decor.

Obscene Interiors: Hardcore Amateur Decor is also a fun little gift book you can order direct from me – and I’ll sign it, or get it from Amazon.com or any cool bookstore.

Sometimes I tell people Jake Deckard is my big brother even though I’m taller. 
  

OK so the long Lisa Frank is awesome because it has like everything Lisa Frank is known for and incorporates almost all of the common 80′s sticker themes: hamburgers, unicorns, ice cream, teddy bears, pizza, candy, cherries, and rainbows.Mystiks are awesome because they make swooshy colors when you press on them BUT DON”T PRESS TO HARD!Hamburgers and Coke-a-cola and other 50′s Americana made subtle appearances in 1980′s stickers, I don’t know why.Ark Animals were very hard to find unless you went to a big city like Minneapolis. I didn’t get these ’til I was 30Toots are the most awesome because they just are. These dinosaurs are gorgeous and profoundly influenced my sense of design.  

I have a piece about Playboy in the gay SoCal rag, Frontiers. (Sadly, the bits about Hef’s bisexual experimentation and my suggestion for a jack-off party were cut.)

And the graphic design mag, HOW, said some very nice things about my “really, really adult-themed book,” Obscene Interiors.

"Fucking faggot!" was yelled at me from a passing pickup in Hollywood yesterday. I’m sure it was my "Marriage is totally gay!" bumper sticker that caught his attention. But how refreshing, how old-school.